Purity: Pendulum vs Plumb Line (by Kevin)

As you probably know, a pendulum is a weight that swings back and forth from a fixed point. Unfortunately, the pendulum symbolizes the way we’ve treated the gift of sex—going from one non-biblical extreme to another.

As I’ve mentioned before, religion has an unfortunate history of treating sex as something dirty and shameful. Even now, those of us who advocate purity must carefully guard against legalism.

Then there’s the other extreme—a “liberated” mentality in which anything goes and all modesty is lost. When society allows the pendulum to swing in this direction, the results are incredibly destructive.

I don’t want to be like a pendulum. I don’t want to react (and overreact) to the problems I see around me. There’s another way, and another symbol: the plumb line.

A plumb line is a pointed weight on the end of a string. This tool produces a straight line every time—gravity ensures it. The Lord Himself used the plumb line as a symbol of His perfect, unchanging standards.

When it comes to sex, God’s “plumb line” runs consistently through the Bible. It begins in Genesis 2:24, where He describes the beautiful, mysterious “one flesh” union between husband and wife. Jesus quoted this very passage when teaching about marital fidelity (Matthew 19:5). Paul quoted it in making his case against sexual promiscuity (1 Corinthians 6:16). God designed sex to be experienced only within marriage–His mind hasn’t changed.

I pray that we will act as plumb lines, not pendulums. Let’s continue to present God’s standard: no more, no less.

* Read more of Kuya Kevin’s articles in KuyaKevin.com: Real Relationship Advice

True Love Waits in Dumaguete

Batch 1 (February 15, 2009)

Batch 2 (February 23, 2009)

Love Is Waiting by Brooke Fraser

In the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories – whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I’ll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it’s time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

[CHORUS]
I’ll be waiting for you baby
I’ll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we’re ready, til it’s right
Love is waiting

It’s my caution not the cold
There’s no other hand that I would rather hold
The climate changes, I’m singing for the strangers about you
Don’t keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
The bets are getting surer now that you’re my man

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
And like I can’t force the sun to rise or hasten summer’s start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

MU (Mutual Understanding) and Ambiguous Relationships (by Kevin)

Here’s the definition(s) of ambiguous (from dictionary.com)

Ambiguous:
*open to or having several possible meanings or interpretations; equivocal: an ambiguous answer.
*of doubtful or uncertain nature; difficult to comprehend, distinguish, or classify: a rock of ambiguous character.
*lacking clearness or definiteness; obscure; indistinct: an ambiguous shape; an ambiguous future.

My students often use the phrase “MU,” meaning “mutual understanding.” This represents something in between friendship and courtship. The exact nature of a mutual understanding usually isn’t very clear to me. Ironically, it usually isn’t clear to those in the MU, either.

I’m not a big fan of MU’s or any type of ambiguous relationship. Since there is no real commitment, these arrangements seem to cause confusion and pain.

I really believe that dating/courtship should be focused, with marriage as the end goal. Otherwise, it is simply a waste of time and emotion. Here are a few suggestions:

Intention:
Intentions should be clear very early in the relationship. This should be your intention: to get to know this person and prayerfully decide if the two of you are compatible for marriage.

Time Limits:
Some reasonable timetable should be set. I hear different opinions on the appropriate length of courtship/engagement. I personally believe that six months to a year is plenty of time to know if you’ve found a good match. I’m not saying you should be ready to propose after two dates. I’m not even saying that you should marry within a year. But within a year there should be a clear understanding of whether or not you plan to marry. If you decide to break up, at least you’ve limited the time that you invested in this relationship.

I’ve seen couples who stay boyfriend/girlfriend for years, only to break up. They both experience a “mini divorce” and have little to show for their wasted time/emotion. This is especially harmful for women, who have a “biological clock” to consider.

Final Thoughts:

I don’t want this to sound like dating/courtship should be some kind of business contract. My point is this: as single Christians, we should be intentional when it comes to the opposite sex. If you only want to be friends, then stay friends. If there is a mutual attraction and interest, then explore the possibility of a Christ-centered marriage. I see no middle ground.

Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.
–Matthew 5:37

* read more from Kevin here.

Four Steps to Sabotage Your Future Marriage (by Kevin)

Have Premarital Sex

If your spouse is your first and only lover, this will create an incredibly strong physical, emotional, and spiritual bond between the two of you. You simply don’t need this if you are going to sabotage your marriage. It’s much better if you engage in premarital sex. This way your spouse will not be your “first” and you can bring plenty of emotional baggage to your marriage bed. If you are lucky, you may even bring some physical complications as well. An STD, for example, could ruin your spouse’s health as well as your own. It wouldn’t have to be one of those big scary STD’s: something as simple as HPV would do. This would give you (or your wife if you are a man) cervical cancer.

Become a Player

If you are going to wreck your marriage, you need to develop some serious character flaws. Two-timing is a good place to start. Cheating, after all, is exciting and gratifying business. Trying to remember all of your lies will keep you on the edge—much more exhilarating than a boring, stable, monogamous relationship. Lying and manipulating will become second nature to you. It’s especially helpful if you can convince yourself that the “right person” will cause you to settle down and be faithful (much easier to blame your player ways on other people). You may believe that a wedding ceremony and a ring will magically change your character. Don’t worry: the habits that you develop will eventually come back. Before you know it, you’ll elevate your status from player to adulterer.

Get Some Vices

A healthy marriage requires two healthy people. There’s a way to make sure you are not emotionally or physically healthy: vices. Smoking cigarettes, for example, will ensure that you have some major health problems. You’ll burden your family with some major medical bills and may send yourself to an early grave. Men, there’s also a good chance that cigarettes will make you impotent—which will obviously cause problems. Alcohol or drug abuse can wreck a family even faster than your nicotine addiction. Porn use/addiction, while not causing physical diseases, can negatively affect intimacy between you and your spouse. Almost any vice will do if practiced regularly.

Be Financially Undisciplined

Money is one of the major causes of conflict within a marriage. You can make sure that there are many problems by mismanaging your finances. Buy whatever you want, regardless of whether or not you can afford it. Borrow money and get yourself in debt. Live beyond your means. Whatever you do, don’t save any money. You don’t want extra money set aside for any of those inevitable expenses of family life. Instead, just borrow more money and deepen your debt as a couple.

Last but not least, choose a partner who is practicing these four steps.

Together, you can have your own domestic nightmare!

Note:
I’m not saying that committing one of these mistakes means that you are forever doomed to a bad marriage. My point is that all of these behaviors can affect your future. If you are doing any of these things, please reexamine your life and consider the consequences.

* read more from Kevin here.